Why teens today are more anxious than ever (And NO, it’s not because of social media…)
If you’re parenting a teen right now in Montclair, Hoboken, or the surrounding New Jersey suburbs, you’ve probably asked yourself some version of this …
“Is it supposed to be this hard!?” or “I’m feeling lost on how I can support them”
You might notice your teen:
overthinking everything
melting down over schoolwork
withdrawing socially
struggling with sleep
snapping more easily
carrying a kind of pressure that feels… constant
And yes, social media plays a role. But it’s not the whole story. Not even close.
I’m a therapist who started working with teens in NYC, where it is high-pressure, fast-moving, and consistently ‘brain on’. Now as a therapist who works with teens and young adults in Montclair, NJ, and across New Jersey, I can tell you this clearly:
Teen anxiety today is bigger than TikTok, Instagram, Discord (or whatever new app is popping up).
It’s layered. It’s structural. And it’s deeply tied to the world they’re growing up in.
The Pressure Is Earlier … and Louder
Teens today are thinking about:
college admissions in middle school
building resumes at 14
“standing out” constantly
keeping up academically, socially, athletically
how to be "desirable” and “wanted” in a friend group
heck, I’ve even had some teens thinking about business ideas and entrepreneurship!
In many New Jersey suburbs, especially high-achieving communities, the pressure to perform starts early.
Even teens who are doing “well” feel like they’re one step behind.
And here’s what parents often miss (not because they’re negligent but because it’s not always that obvious to the non-clinical eye):
High-functioning anxiety in teenagers doesn’t look like failure. It looks like exhaustion.
Good grades.
Busy schedules.
Leadership roles.
But internally?
Racing thoughts.
Perfectionism.
Fear of disappointing everyone.
The Social Comparison Never Turns Off
It’s not just social media, it’s continuous visibility. Many teenagers don’t feel that they can live their life without “what will others say”. Our brains are not meant to wonder constantly about other people’s opinions.
But it’s also hard when their social life and belonging has a connection to social media. Not being on has them feeling “left out” or out of place. It’s all about finding a delicate balance.
In previous generations, comparison had limits. Now it follows them home. A goal I help my teens understand in therapy is how to make social media feel connecting vs. comparing.
They see:
who got into what program
who’s dating who
who’s on vacation
who looks confident
who appears “ahead”
Even if your teen doesn’t seem obsessed with their phone, they’re absorbing a steady stream of information about where they stand socially. And that is exhausting on the brain.
And adolescence is already a developmental stage built around identity. It’s important that they understand how their identity is built offline, too. When identity meets constant comparison, anxiety rises. In therapy, teens can work to understand triggers to their anxiety and if it is social media related, how they can cope with those triggers and create boundaries with social media.
Teens Today Feel Responsible for More
Something I hear often in teen therapy sessions in Montclair and surrounding NJ communities is this quiet sense of responsibility. Teens often carry a lot more than many people realize.
They worry about:
the future
climate
politics
finances
their family’s stress
not becoming a burden
Many teens carry adult-sized fears in their teenage nervous systems. It keeps their mind on overdrive - something that can show up in many ways (as you will see below). It can be even harder to understand because they don’t always tell you.
Sometimes it shows up as:
irritability
shutdown
avoidance
procrastination
boredeom
physical symptoms like stomach aches or headaches
Not because they’re dramatic or trying to be difficult. But because their nervous systems are overwhelmed.
Anxiety in Teenagers Often Hides in Plain Sight
Parents sometimes expect anxiety to look like panic attacks. For it to be an obvious “AH, they are anxious”. But the thing about anxiety is that it can be both external and internal.
More often, it looks like:
“I just can’t start it.”
“I don’t know.”
“Leave me alone.”
“It’s fine.”
It can look like:
spending hours rechecking homework
obsessing over small social interactions
asking for reassurance repeatedly
irritability and lashing out
shutting down and retreating to themselves
melting down after holding it together all day
And sometimes, especially in high-achieving New Jersey suburbs, it looks like:
A teen who never stops moving. The one who is always trying to be the “good friend”, goes to all the events, keep up with their homework, tries to be top at school, and wants to still have fun …
If they stay busy enough, maybe the anxious thoughts won’t catch up. But the thoughts are there, under the surface and bubbling out through their actions and behaviors.
When Is It “Normal” Stress and When Is It Teen Anxiety?
Every teen experiences stress. Stress is a normal (and in fact healthy) part of life. Stress here, and there is different from anxiety that shows up daily. In those cases, therapy can be a helpful tool in your teen’s toolbox.
But therapy for teens in NYC, Montclair and across New Jersey often becomes helpful when:
Sleep is consistently disrupted
School anxiety is interfering with attendance or performance
Perfectionism feels paralyzing
They are avoiding schoolwork or responsibilities
Parents are struggling to understand their teens (and what they need)
Intrusive thoughts won’t quiet down
Social fears limit connection
Your teen seems emotionally exhausted more days than not
Anxiety in teenagers isn’t about weakness. It’s often about a nervous system that hasn’t had room to breathe. The good news is that with good therapy and self-awareness, your teen can gain the skills and insights to feel more in control of their thoughts and feelings.
What Teen Therapy Actually Looks Like
A lot of teens worry that therapy will feel:
clinical
awkward
like they’re being analyzed
That’s not how I approach it. Because one that isn’t effective therapy and two, that is not fun for anyone. I’m here to walk alongside your teen and my main priority is creating a safe, supportive space for them and nurturing the relationship so that therapy is a place they can authentically show up.
When I work with teens and young adults in NYC, Hoboken, NJ and Montclair, NJ and surrounding areas, therapy is about:
Helping them understand how anxiety works
Naming perfectionism and overthinking patterns
Empowering them so they feel more in control
Giving them skills to communicate with their parents about their anxiety
Teaching tools that actually feel usable
Creating space where they don’t have to perform
I also work closely with parents — not to blame, but to support.
Sometimes, small shifts at home make a big difference in how safe a teen feels opening up.
If You’re a Parent Reading This…
If you’ve been thinking:
“They’re just stressed.”
“This is normal for high school.”
“I don’t want to overreact.”
You’re not wrong. Anxiety for teens is not abnormal. It’s also something that can be debilitating or difficult to live alongside. Your teen doesn’t have to suffer. You also don’t have to wait for things to get worse before seeking support. You’re allowed to lean on a resource who can support you in better communicating and understanding your teen. And someone who can give your teen support and resources to show up differently in the world.
Sometimes it’s simply a place where your teen can exhale and learn that anxiety doesn’t get to run the whole show.
If you are in New York City (NYC), Hoboken, NJ, or Montclair, NJ, and are looking for a teen therapist, schedule a free consultation with me to learn more about how I can support you and your family and to see if teen therapy is a good fit. I look forward to connecting with you!